northwestmagpie: (At Peace)
Well, I made it. I got out of Phoenix, moved to Washington, fell in love, went through several jobs, settled into a home life with several other people and my beloved, and survived the entire chaotic mess I made of it all. And then I started putting myself back together.

Some people call it therapy. I call it finding the reasons behind my screw-ups, nailing them up on a board, and then beating them to death so I'm not driven to follow them again.

It's always been hard for me to admit when I need help. Some of you are nodding right now; too much pride, too much self-reliance. But when the voice in your head is that dark, dreaded whisper that tells you that asking for help means admitting you're stupid, a failure, incompetent, helpless--well, killing that voice is my new task in life. I plan on stomping it into the lower levels of Hell. It's made my life a misery and a hell of a lot harder than it's needed to be. I'm done with it.

I've had help, though, and I'm grateful for it, because without it I would never have lasted long in Washington. Having a place to stay while finding a lasting job gave me a chance to actually accomplish that. And Stefan has made it clear that he's going to be there for me when I need him. It's humbling. It's . . . gratifying.

So you're all probably wondering why I've changed my account and stayed here on LJ?

In many cultures, it's appropriate to change your name to reflect the ending of one stage in your life, or the beginning of something new. As for the name itself? Those of you who know my love of shiny things know why I'm the Magpie. [personal profile] xanath is done. Gone.

I'd write a longer post, but I recently rewarded myself with a refurbished ASUS all-in-one computer. I've missed having a decent desktop computer; laptops, I've found, are great for portability, but don't offer much in the way of being able to lose oneself in a particular atmosphere--not unless you buy one with a 21-inch screen and all the bells and whistles. The ASUS does have a nice-sized screen (23.6 inches), and it's staying on my desk. Even Lucky can't find a way to get around it (although I suspect he'll try to lie down in front of it). So I'm enjoying toying with the screensavers (yay, Webshots!), setting up my music library, organizing my files . . . gazing at the screen . . . **ahem.** Yeah, I'm playing with my new toy. I heartily recommend, by the way. The price was low enough for me to save up from two weeks' pay.

So, like I said, I'll write a longer post when I'm through squeeing and playing.



northwestmagpie: (Default)

August 2017



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