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Jul. 20th, 2017 05:13 pm
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[personal profile] atalantapendrag


I braved the triple-digit heat to trudge out to Mango King for today's special (Thursday torta and fries - I got the beef fajita torta again) and a large pepino agua fresca. Totally worth it.

Big day!

Jul. 15th, 2017 12:44 pm
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[personal profile] atalantapendrag


Getting ready for an afternoon out and the Welcome to Night Vale live show! Since I'm going to a show tonight I did a wrap with no volume, just a no-slip headband underneath. I'd been planning to wear a tunic and long skirt but it's super hot so to hell with it, gonna wear my CowCow skater dress. It's got a neat celestial print!

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Jul. 13th, 2017 05:17 pm
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[personal profile] atalantapendrag


Shortcut knishes made with Pillsbury biscuit dough! The filling is frozen mashed potatoes and frozen spinach combined with butter, shredded cheese, and a bunch of seasonings - a little Krazy Mixed Up Salt, some chicken bullion, and a lot of Penzeys goodies - Sandwich Sprinkle, Air Dried Shallots, powdered rosemary, and dill. They turned out a bit too salty but very tasty. I shared some with my neighbor - apparently her cat who does not usually like human food was very interested. So that is lunch for me, a tasty hot nosh for Yvonne, a wee morsel for Precious, and I have plenty of leftovers.

Happy synchronicity!

Jul. 12th, 2017 02:11 pm
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[personal profile] atalantapendrag
I had been thinking that I'd like to get a light green sari scarf and a few days later another wrapper I know online made a destash post - including a light green sari! Perfect timing, I got a good deal on something I wanted and she got a few bucks. I got it and it was just perfect, here it is with one of my favorite headbands.

Life is a gorgeous, broken gift.

Jul. 11th, 2017 10:12 pm
naamah_darling: The right-side canines of a wolf's skull; the upper canine is made of gold. (Default)
[personal profile] naamah_darling
I lost a very, very old friend over the weekend.  The illness was sudden, acute, and ultimately fatal.  In less than a week, she was gone.

We weren't so close that her material absence will affect me on a daily basis.  I didn't see her often.  But I respected her, and she had an effect on who I am today. Without her I would be a slightly different version of me, not the me I am.

My own grief and pain is still daily, and pressing.  It's right and fair, it's proof I loved someone, and so it's not something I want to turn away from or bury.  I cared about her, and I am reasonably sure she cared about me, but this is nowhere near as devastating to me as it is for others who knew her better, saw her more, loved her in ways that I did not.  That hurts to see.  All the pain I can't help alleviate in any real way.

So it hurts, yeah, and it is frightening to know that someone so young could die so suddenly -- she was DECADES away from a reasonable age to go.  It's terrifying to watch this happen, knowing how helpless everyone was to stop it, seeing how it left everyone bereft, and how all of us, every one, is going to go through a version of this with someone they love.

That bit, the anxiety over the unavoidable future, is the part that's been hardest to cope with.  I know how to grieve, and grief is not unhealthy.  Anxiety doesn't help anyone.

So yeah, that's been a little rough.

I'm also doing some really hard work in therapy.  Working on old trauma that is holding me back.

And I'm doing some medical stuff that has also been difficult -- I'm over one of the big humps, and things are going so fucking well with that I can hardly believe it, but it was really stressful going in, and there is more difficult stuff ahead of me.  The goal of the therapy is to get me well enough to do it.  I'm not looking forward to it, but it's a thing I'd like to have in the rearview, not the passenger seat.  You know?

I am caught in the middle of a complicated and frightening life that is nevertheless very beautiful.  I am doing well, I am doing poorly, I am doing everything at once, feeling everything at once.  It's hard and it's easy, it's good and it's bad.  It's all so unstable.  All I know is that I don't care how fucked up everything is, I want to be here.  I am happy to be here.  This is a good place to be, even when it's terrible.  I very much want to live.  I am very glad to have a future again.

ETA: She was an organ donor, and that saved lives.  I have registered to become one.  I urge you to consider doing so as well, if you are able.

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